How to teach your toddler to stay in their bed and sleep through the night.
Toddler sleep is whole different ball game to baby sleep.
Many parents feel like it is too late to make changes with sleep once their little one is 2 years or older. However this is the perfect age to help your child build a healthy and happy relationship with sleeping independently. Studies have shown that children who regularly get the right amount of sleep have improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, and overall mental and physical health. Not getting enough sleep can lead to high blood pressure, obesity and even depression in later years (Dawkins. R, 2022).
If you have recently moved your toddler to a big bed or perhaps you are currently bed-sharing and want to make the transition, you need to have a plan of action to guide you through.
Preparation is everything:
Once your child is of an age where they can understand and make sense of change, it is so important that you spend the time to guide them through it. When we make changes to how our children sleep or set new expectations around bedtime, we need to start by prepping them and making them feel part of the process as much as possible.
Young children like to feel like they’re in control but giving them too many choices can be overwhelming, so we want set clear boundaries with limited choices during the process.
Step One
Talk about the transition for a few days beforehand. Make your child feel excited and really ‘in the know’ of what is happening. Explain very clearly the exact behaviour you are going to work on changing together. In this case - “Mummy & Daddy are going to help you learn how to go to sleep in your bed all by yourself and stay in your bed until it's time to wake up in the morning.”
Step Two
Spend some 1:1 connection time in their sleep space, read books, have cuddles etc. Make the space feel really safe. For children 3+ practise letting them play in the room with the door closed during the day. Let them know you will just be in the next room and all they need to do if they need you is call out.
Step Three
Empower your child with limited choices such as which pyjamas they would like or which soft toys will be sleeping in the bed with them. They could also go shopping with you and choose a special duvet cover or night light.
Step Four
Play ‘bedtime’ with dolly or teddy in the bed and talk them through step by step. Playing, acting & role play are very effective ways to help children understand how to behave in different situations. And like most things children learn, learning to sleep independently will rely on you showing them how. But technically they can’t learn by watching us do it, but we can show them through playing with their teddies or dolls.
Play a game of “Teddy’s Bedtime” and have your child play out their bedtime routine but with the teddy as them and them as the mummy or daddy. Once you have put teddy to bed, practise standing outside the door and then close the door and take your child into the lounge or kitchen and talk about how proud you are of Teddy for staying in bed. After 5-10 minutes you can go back in and wake Teddy up from his nap. Ask your child if you think Teddy was a good toy and if he stayed in his bed the whole time. If they say yes you can give Teddy a sticker on the rewards chart.
Your child may want a sticker too, this is your opportunity to remind them that if they can stay in bed tonight then they will get a sticker in the morning too. It is important that they see that they only get a sticker when they do the behaviour you are trying to reinforce.
Step Five
Establish boundaries & expectations for when your child is staying in their own bed. Explain clearly what you need from them, “I need you to stay in your bed once the lights have gone off and Mummy has said goodnight.” or “You can come into Mummy and Daddy’s room in the morning once your special light turns on.”. Also talk them through and plan for the ‘what-ifs’:
"What if I need a drink?” You have a water bottle next to your bed.
"What if I need to go to the toilet?” The light will be on in the hallway if you need to get up and go to the toilet.
"What if I am scared?” Mummy and Daddy will always be in the other room and you are safe in your bed.
How to address stalling
Stalling - A very very common tactic used by children all around the world to prolong bedtime routine and prevent the inevitable sleep time. Be ready for stalling. There is no busier person on the planet than a toddler at bedtime. A “potty pass” is a great concept to establishing boundaries when it comes to things that your child may “need” to do before going to bed. They get one each night to use for one thing.
Bedtime Plan - Continued Comfort
Night One:
After you have started winding down for the day, begin bedtime routine 45 minutes before bedtime. Make sure you are consistent with all timings and expectations you have set with your child. Kiss them goodnight and say your sleep phrase. Turn off the lights and sit in the chair you have placed next to your child’s bed.
Sit next to your child’s bed. Make sure you’re not in their bed, it is important at this point to break the association of sharing your child’s sleep space. - You will sit next to their bed whilst you offer comfort as your settle.
You will comfort using soft touch/stroking and a gentle calm voice/shushing until your child has fallen asleep. If they get out of bed, calmly guide them back to bed, remind them that it is bedtime, tuck them in and keep using your voice, touch and reassurance to settle them to sleep. Repeat this until your child is asleep and then leave the room. Patience, remaining calm and being consistent is EVERYTHING in this process.
It is ok if your child starts to cry, they are safe and are having their needs met - they are just protesting the change. Continue this method for any night wakings, but wait 10mins before going in at first.
Night Two..
If you want access to the rest of the plan for teaching your toddler independent sleep, enrol in my Halcyon Sleep Coaching Course: 19 Months - 4 Years to learn how to stop night wakings, transition from co-sleeping to a cot and get into a routine that works for your whole family.
You might also like my post Transitioning to a toddler bed.
Listen to this episode of the Rest is Best podcast to hear how Georgie’s life has changed since teaching her daughter independent sleep using the Continued Comfort method.
References:
Dawkins, R. (2022). The Importance of Sleep for Kids. Retrieved 19 August 2022, from https://www.hopkinsallchildrens.org/ACH-News/General-News/The-importance-of-sleep-for-kids